Have a nice day...SIR?!

I realize I haven't written a "cancery" post in a while and there are people out there in need of an update, so here is the quick crap that wasn't quick and dirty.

Last Monday, I met with the plastic surgeon about reconstruction surgery. I left the appointment completely pissed off. Honestly I am not really ready to process it all or write about it right now, but basically I am just mad that I even have to be DISCUSSING these so called "options". I don't want to think about it. I like my boobs the way they are. They are perky and bouncy. They are in the correct spot and they are just the right size. They did their darndest to feed my boys and they look pretty good in most clothes. I am not meeting with the surgeon because I am choosing to change the way I look or to improve the way I feel about myself. I am meeting with the surgeon because I am essentially going to be having an amputation {or 2}. Sorry if that sounds "ugly" or "harsh", but that's what it is. It's not pretty, it's not going to make me feel good about myself, I'm not going to walk out of there ready to "show off my new girls", it's just not going to happen that way. Am I thankful that I have the opportunity to fight this disease? Yes. Am I thankful that such amazing surgeons work with the hospital? Yes. Am I completely confident in their abilities? Yes. Do I like them as people and professionals? Yes. But, that doesn't mean I have to rejoice in the fact that I have to do this. It makes me so angry, and that's okay.

Last Friday, I had my 6th treatment of Abraxane and Herceptin. Which marks the halfway point in the first leg of my treatment plan. My counts were good, well, I don't actually know what they were because I have requested not to see the actual numbers, but if they were good enough to get treatment, then they were "good" enough for me. I came home after treatment cleaned the house, had a run on the treadmill and then took a nice bath and prepared for our big 3rd birthday celebration weekend. Because of the birthday weekend, I decided that I was going to have a bit of a "cancer holiday", basically meaning I wasn't going to look anything up on the internet or talk about cancer unless asked a specific question. It went well except for a couple of minor internet slips, and they were truly minor.  It felt good to do that and I have decided that really I don't need to be looking things up on the interwebs at all. When it's time to research things, I will research, but for now I have the information I need.

TOMORROW morning I have an ultrasound of my breast and axilla {armpit} to see how the primary tumor and nodes are responding. To say that I am nervous about this would be a bit of an understatement. I know that the treatments are working, I can FEEL that they are working, but I don't know how well EXACTLY. I am not excited to lay on that hard table. I am not excited to see the dark blob that is "TFBBc" up on the monitor. I am not excited to hear the clicking and clacking as measurements are recorded. I am not excited to see that the lymph nodes I can still feel are still detectable on the screen as well. That little ultrasound room holds a lot of fear for me, I just don't like it. Again, I KNOW that treatments are working, but I still have fear of the things I DON'T know. In addition to the ultrasound, I will meet with Dr. K's nurse practitioner and then have treatment {as long as my counts are good}.

So, if you would like to know where to send your energy this week, here you go:

1. That TFBBc is being eradicated from my body NEVER to return again! {obviously}
2. That my counts are excellent so that treatment can proceed as planned.
3. That my side effects remain minimal so that I can continue to GET BUSY LIVING!
4. That the ultrasound shows significant shrinkage in the primary tumor AND the nodes and that there are no surprises. I'm not a fan of surprises.
5. That I can feel some peace {even if it's xanax induced} going into the ultrasound and also when thinking about the surgery scenarios.
6. That I remember to stay off the interwebs and GET BUSY LIVING!

You know I don't like to end these updates with a stressed out feeling, so today I am going to end with a little funny story and, of course, a picture of my sweet boys.

Yesterday, the boys and I headed to the zoo for the first time since the week of my horrible MRI biopsy. I decided that I needed a boost in order to keep up with their energy for the day, so headed to the McDonald's drive through for some iced coffee. I was wearing one of my "flapper hats" {navy blue with a white flower clipped to the side} and sunglasses {the big kind that have been in style for a while}. When I got up to the window to get my drink, the young man working the window said, "Hey man, how you doing?" to which I replied with a smile, in my very girly Minnie Mouse voice no less, "GREAT thanks!", he then handed me my drink and said, "Thanks SIR, have a nice day!". Umm......SIR?!?! Good lord. I thought he had said "man" in his greeting, but I thought, nah, SURELY he said "mam", but that SIR sure made it clear! Haha, oh well, at least he didn't call me "bro" and now the title of this post makes sense, right? :~)

As promised, a picture of my sweet guys from our trip to the zoo yesterday:

Sweet brothers.