Fireworks, Chemo and Some Good News

It's been a week since my "Get Busy Living" post and LIVING is exactly what we have been doing! 

Last Thursday was the 4th of July, I know I mentioned that I may make the day kind of symbolic by "gaining my independence from my hair and setting it free into the wild", however when I woke up that morning, I wasn't quite ready to part with it and I am fairly certain Hubs wasn't ready to help me. So we kept the hair another day, and I am okay with that. What we DID do on July 4th was: take a long bike ride, have a picnic at the park, throw rocks in the lake, take a nice long afternoon nap, go to my parent's house for a typical 4th of July dinner, ride carnival rides and OF COURSE enjoy fireworks {I say enjoy, but the boys were terrified of the fireworks we purchased and one of them "watched" the professional show with his eyes closed!}. It was a good day. A top day, for sure.

Fourth of July festivities. Baby-O was NOT impressed by the fireworks, he swears he saw them though. ;~)

On the 5th of July, I woke up to the blatant message that there was no way I was going to be keeping my hair for much longer. I asked Hubs if he would go out on the deck and give me a nice military buzz cut. He was not excited about helping me do this {of course}, he asked me if I could do it myself {I couldn't} and then he went on to say that this is "not something any husband ever thinks he is going to have to do for his wife" {he's right I am sure}. Out of all of the worries I spoke of last week, the ones still on my mind were that it would scare the boys for me to be without my hair, and that I wouldn't like what I saw when I looked into the mirror. I made the decision to be upbeat and involve the boys, not with the cutting of my hair, but with the "releasing it into the wild". It was really important to me that my hair be spread around the back yard in hopes that maybe some of the birds could use it in their nests, so the boys did that. Those of you who really know me know how much I love nature and I am sure you can understand how that made me feel a bit better. After "the clipping" Baby-E told me that I "have nice hair like daddy now", so I am not sure what that says about my hair BEFORE, but oh well, at least it didn't seem to phase them at all. ;~) As for what I see in the mirror, it's still a shock. I look like me, but a different version of myself. I feel like I look "harder" somehow. Or maybe it's that I look like I am prepared for battle? I don't know. If you are wondering if there is going to be a picture of this new impermanent look, there is not, at least not right now. I feel better wearing my "flapper" hats or my wig; I feel like I look more like me. Right now I am just not brave enough to broadcast my buzzed head to the world. I say that, but I DID go for a nice long run the other night without any head-covering. But that wasn't really brave either, quite honestly, I had an "I can't breathe I am going to die" panic attack at the beginning of my run - the likes of which I haven't experienced since the boys' water broke 2.5 months early, but it passed quickly and then I decided that most people probably thought I was CHOOSING to have my hair like this, so I ran on. Go me. That's right, I just cheered for myself.

Friday the 5th also marked my 4th treatment in the Abraxane/ Herceptin leg of my clinical trial. It was also my first during treatment appointment with Dr. K. The visit with the K-ster was quick, but ultimately a GREAT visit. So here is the good news, the primary tumor in my breast is NO LONGER DETECTABLE BY PALPATION!!!!! It was almost 3 cm by palpation before {2.5 cm on MRI} so this is just SUCH great news!!! I knew that it was going down, but I didn't want to say anything, even to Hubs, until it had come out of the doctor's mouth. It's great to know that the medicine is doing it's job and that this GI Jane look will ultimately be worth it. We can still feel the lymph nodes {there are 2 that are palpable}, but I am told that they sometimes take longer to go down even if the cancer inside them is being destroyed. I don't like that I can still feel them, but Dr. K is very pleased with the progress so far. In case you are wondering if this means less chemo for me, it does not, darn. Honestly though, I want the book thrown at this ugly little invader. I want it DESTROYED FOR GOOD! Another piece of good news is that I got the results back from my BRCA test {evil cancer gene} and they are negative!!! Waaaa Hoooo!!!! This doesn't mean a whole lot for me since I am still 35 with breast cancer, but it does mean that I didn't pass that gene onto my boys, that my mom likely doesn't have it, and that my brother doesn't have it to pass on to his daughter, so that's a big big sigh of relief. My side effects have remained super manageable {praying that they stay that way} and my white counts even went up a teeny bit from the last time I saw them, so all in all it was a good news day. The day was made even better by getting to celebrate Independence Day a SECOND time at my in-laws house. I love the 4th {5th} of July. :~)

This week's thought/ prayer guidance:

1. That the cancer is being ERADICATED FROM MY BODY FOR GOOD!!! {of course}
2. That my cell counts stay within the normal range so that treatment can proceed as planned.
3. That my lymph nodes start to SHRINK as the cancer inside them is being destroyed.
4. That my side effects remain manageable, we have a few of VERY important birthdays coming up and mama doesn't want to miss anything. :~)
5. That I continue to remember my mantra to "GET BUSY LIVING"!!!

Thank you ALL so much for your continued love and support!