FOUR...Only Good Things

Not going to lie, I wish I had written this post sooner when I was feeling good and was not in a place of "Seriously, am I EVER going to feel normal again?!" I feel so out of it, like I am drunk, but not in a good happy way, in a scary "I can't see the other side of this yet and am afraid I am going to be stuck feeling like this forever" way. I don't like this. I don't like it one bit. I know I am lucky to not be feeling physically sick, I know that I am lucky to not be so exhausted that I can't function, but this walking around like I am on a boat {minus T-Pain} is no picnic either. Yuck. However, I want to write the update I WAS going to write before I felt like this so here goes my lame attempt....

Only Good Things. That is what I prayed for before our big appointment last Friday. I prayed to only hear good news, no negatives. I prayed that the primary tumor and the nodes were still responding, I prayed that things were starting to look more normal on ultrasound, I prayed that my blood work would come back looking good, I prayed that the doctor would be pleased with the progress so far and I prayed that I would handle the new drugs okay. ALL of that, all of those things are true. We are SO thankful! The primary tumor and the nodes SHRUNK by about 20% in all directions. Things are looking different on ultrasound, and different is good because that means the drugs are working to stop the cancer, cut off blood supply and return tissue to it's original healthy state. My blood work looked good and Dr. K is happy with the progress. As for handling the new drugs okay, I have to assume I am. I don't really know what I am supposed to feel like, but from talking to others who have walked a similar path, I am guessing feeling the way I do right now is "normal", and temporary, PLEASE GOD let it be temporary!

I left Friday's appointment feeling so HAPPY and relieved about all of the Good Things that happened maybe it was the steroids talking, but seriously I felt GREAT. It felt good to be doing something to fight. It felt good to know that fighting is working! I don't feel great right now, but I am working hard to summon up that feeling from Friday, the feeling of knowing things are moving in the right direction and I am on my way to being fully healthy.

So that means, NUMBER FOUR of the "end of chemo countdown" is under my belt. Hopefully, I am a mere THREE treatments away from never, ever, ever, having to do chemo again. And THAT is my current prayer.

For those of you who want to hope for Only Good Things along with me, here are my current hopes:

1. That the cancer is being eradicated from my body NEVER to return again {obviously}.
2. That the new treatment drugs are super effective and wipe out what the previous drugs didn't.
3. That my blood work continues to look good so that treatment can proceed as planned.
4. That I can trust that I will feel normal again and that these side effects are temporary.

Thanks friends. XO