Welcome to the Club No One Wants to Join {Diagnosis}

If you are reading this, you either know me and you already know I have breast cancer, or you have done a search for "breast cancer" and this little world or mine has popped up. I know one of the first things I did when I got "the news" was scour the interwebs for somebody like me - I still do that - I still want to find a young mama who has walked in my shoes and made it out okay, not only okay, but is currently THRIVING! I am hoping to be that mama for somebody else in the future, but for now, my journey is just beginning.

So, because I know that people are searching for someone in similar shoes, and because I know my friends and family probably want to know everything, here is an overview from discovery to diagnosis to now {fyi, this is going to be long!}{double fyi: if you are doing a search and you just want to see if I am "the same" as you, skip to the bottom}:

May something, 2013, a week or so before my 35th birthday: I came across an lump in my right breast while in the shower. The lump was not detected in my latest well woman exam in August of 2012, where it was determined that I had "normal dense breast tissue". However, this felt different, like it was definitely something. I decided to wait a week, through my cycle, to see if the lump changed - I actually felt like it did go down, which it may have, I don't know, but I was still uncomfortable with it.

May 20, 2013: Two days after my 35th birthday, I went in to have the lump checked out. My NP thought it was probably a fibroadenoma or a cyst, but ordered a mammogram and ultrasound to be safe. I went in for the mammogram and ultrasound and came out with a report reading "BIRAD-5, highly suspicious of breast cancer". The radiologist who broke the news to me did not have the best bedside manner, she basically just said, "This looks bad, you need a biopsy".

May 28, 2013: I went in for an ultrasound guided core needle biopsy of the lump and one of my two suspicious looking nodes {which are pretty enlarged}. The biopsy was really pretty much no big deal, just left me a little bit sore.

May 30th, 2013: I got "the call". I was pretty sure it was going to happen, but it was still a shock. I felt numb, like I was walking in someone else's body, just kind of floating through the moments in the day. Thankfully, I was headed to a play date for the boys when I got the news, so two good friends were there to help me stay sane.

May 31st, 2013: My husband, my sweet boys and I headed to the lake to spend time with my best friend and her family. It was a good weekend, but I had a hard time coping with trying to act "normal" when my heart was really and truly breaking for my family. I feel so bad for my husband, and my parents and just looking at my boys makes me ache. However, on the way to the lake, I saw FOUR rainbows and the most beautiful sunset. It made me feel at peace and like someone was looking out for me and saying, "I know this sucks, but look here, LOOK the world is still beautiful, and you are cared for and loved." Look here, I have included a photo, smiles in the face of "the news".

Baby E caught his first fish, he was not impressed and wanted it "back in the water!".

June 4th, 2013: Met with the breast surgeon {Dr. Mc} and the oncologist {Dr. K}. It felt really good to know what we are dealing with and to have a plan. I did have a pretty major breakdown because of not being able to meet with the nutritionist. I was really struggling with the fact that I just didn't know what to eat and I was afraid to "feed the cancer". Ultimately though, I think I just wanted a little bit of control and I didn't know how else to get it. It's hard, not having control and feeling like my body has failed me. Following the day of meetings, we headed to the Royals game to celebrate a friend's birthday. All of the nurses AND the oncologist told me to DRINK A BEER, so you know I took that advice. Actually, the MO said that I could have beer throughout chemo, sooooooo it must help right? :~)

June 6th, 2013: Had a breast MRI and ABUS {Automatic ultrasound of both breasts} which showed a couple other areas of suspicion, which would need to be biopsied, but HEY my bloodwork looks good! :~)

June 11th, 2013: Heart echo, to make sure my heart is healthy to begin treatment {it is!}.

June 13th, 2013: Got to the cancer center at 7:40 am to see if it would be possible to do the new biopsies by ultrasound. It was not, so husband and I left for a while, went to a park and ate some lunch before returning at 1pm for an MRI guided biopsy of 2 areas. It was actually a beautiful day and would have been a great date had the black cloud of breast cancer not been hanging over my head. The MRI guided biopsy was no fun, no fun at all. I had to lay in a weird position for a really long time, which put my arms and one leg to sleep, which made me really cold. I felt like the radiologist doing the biopsy was being pretty rough, I felt quite a bit of pain when being stuck with the anesthesia and I definitely felt the actual biopsies this time. He actually said that my breast tissue was so dense that it bent the needle, and I know I was just emotional, but I felt like he said it in a way that it was my fault. Thank God for Kim, the radiologist's nurse who stood by my head {which had to stuck down a hole so I couldn't see anything, and I also had earplugs in so I couldn't really hear anything, and I usually really like to know what's going on}and held my hands every time I came in and out of that damn machine. She also made sure to cover me with lots of warm blankets when it was all over b/c I was shaking so bad from basically being frozen and having no blood flow in my arms/ one leg. Seriously, I don't recommend that experience at all, it was bad. I know they are "helping me", but I didn't love it and am still pretty angry that I had to do it at all, yet thankful that the doctor got what he needed. I am still waiting on the results from those biopsies and my boob is a mess from it, it's gross. Not to mention the fact that they destroyed a vein in my arm to put in the MRI contrast solution. Boo. We finally got out of there at around 4:30pm, it was SUCH a long day, but it was made a bit better by my parents feeding us some yummy taco salad!

June 14th, 2013 - Treatment day 1: We arrived at the cancer center at 10:30am for a blood draw to check my counts {which were great apparently} and then to meet with Dr. K about the treatment plan. I asked a lot of questions and he seemed smugly confident about this plan. Husband and I like this about him. His confidence gives us confidence and  I am thankful for that. I should also point out that he is really kind, reassuring and "one of the best breast doctors in the area". Treatment was supposed to start at 12:30pm, but of course that didn't happen. No matter though, as this gave us time to meet with a new found friend who has walked in similar shoes VERY recently. She's awesome. She's witty, bubbly, full of LIFE and I can just tell she has the biggest heart and is going to be a source of knowledge and strength through what I know will be a rough time. Plus, she brought us brownies, CHEESECAKE brownies! Who in the world wouldn't love someone who brings brownies? We finally got called back to the treatment room, but we still didn't get started until about 2:30pm. It's really quite sad how many people are there receiving treatment, seriously, what's going on? Why do so many people have cancer? But, I digress, the treatment rooms are little private cubicles. They are nice, semi-spa-like - there is a sink and a TV/dvd player there are a couple of chairs and a lot of outlets to plug in whatever you want. People can visit you as you please, you can eat/ drink whatever you want and you can actually shut the door {I didn't}. It's calm in there. Treatment was pretty much a non-event, one might even call it "boring". I also gave blood to be tested for the evil breast cancer gene and talked to a psychologist, which I hated every minute of {sorry counselor friend in California!}. Ultimately, we were done and out the door around 5pm. It wasn't bad. It really wasn't, it felt GOOD to finally be doing something to fight that nasty little intruder who had been getting to do whatever the heck it wanted! Once home, we watched Anchorman and fell asleep. It was a good night.

So, that is my story in an unbelievably abbreviated version up to now. Currently I am {impatiently} waiting for biopsy results, I JUST got the call that NOTHING was found in the samples from that horror show of a biopsy! This is GOOD NEWS finally!!!! Yay! Thursday I will be having minor surgery to get a port placed so that blood draws/ treatments will be easier and Friday, as long as my blood levels are still good, I will be headed into treatment. We did go ahead and schedule treatment for SUPER early on Friday in order to try and avoid all of the "lag" time, we shall see how it goes, especially following port placement on Thursday evening.

Oh! I almost forgot, HERE is an overview of my diagnosis and treatment plan, I urge my friends and family to NOT google anything, statistics out there right now are old. Like old old old and I am at the best place possible for treatment.

Diagnosis:    Intraductal Carcinoma {IDC} of the right breast and at least 1 axillary lymph node
                   Tumor size: ~2.5cm{pre-surgery, post surgery the tumor bed was found to be 1.6cm}
                   ER/PR + {like really really positive, this is actually "favorable"}
                   HER2neu 2+ {equivocal}
                   Grade 3 {aggressive, as are most tumors in younger women}
                   Stage: I am received chemo first {neo-adjuvant}, so really staging can't truly happen
                              until after surgery, after surgery my stage was found to be stage 2a

I will be participating in a clinical trial where Herceptin {normally given to HER2neu 3+ individuals} is being given to people who are weakly HER2neu "negative" {1+ or 2+}. I have been assured repeatedly that Dr. K has seen good results in people who have similar stats to me {hormone receptor positive/ node positive}, so I am hoping for AMAZING BLOW THEM OUT OF THE WATER results. :~) Although, I don't think feeling the lump 3 days post 1st infusion is really helping, you know, because I expect it to shrink THAT fast!!!! haha.

Treatment:      12x weekly Abraxane {chemo} plus Herceptin {HER2neu receptor blocker}
                     {ONE DOWN!!!!!}

                      2 week break

                      4x bi-weekly Adriamyacin/ Cytoxon {chemo}{so, 8 weeks total}

                      random heart scans, MRIs and ultrasounds throughout.

So that's that. Hopefully we should start seeing some changes in that nasty little invader of my breast. Hopefully the drugs are in there eating away at the effing thing as I type. So, if you want to direct thoughts somewhere, direct them there "tumor being destroyed by medicine". Suck it cancer!